doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
