he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
