does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
