How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
