what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
