Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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