You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
