WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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