i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
