i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's just so happy...and so naked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize