We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
