Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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