JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
