i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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