living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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