I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
