Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
