You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
