My nipple is on Facebook.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
