I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
