They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize