It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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