I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
