i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
