my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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