he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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