so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
