I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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