I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
