he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
