I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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