Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
