Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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