I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
