this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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