you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
