I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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