Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
