I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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