hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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