Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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