so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
