Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
