you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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