Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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