Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
