whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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