What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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