Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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