I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
