woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
