We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As shirtless as possible
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
