I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
