Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
