One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
