birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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