Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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