id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
