Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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