at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
