I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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