I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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