I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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