After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
