So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
