Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize