Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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