Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
