i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
