Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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