Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
